Thank you so much for sharing — much of it rings very familiar. The only question a medical professional has ever asked me about content (and it has been asked many times) was “do the voices tell you to do things, like harm yourself or others?” What a bizarre and macabre question to start a conversation!
Anyway, thanks again. It is very comforting to read about others who are able to work these things out.
A challenging and interesting read, which evokes a few reactions in me.
(1) I'd love to know more about whether and how the writer found the voices helping in managing and making decisions about her life. This may sound worse than I intend it, but some things are intriguing and fascinating, but not necessarily illuminating or helpful. This is many of my patients' (and my) experience of dreams as well. Is life better with voices for some people? I think so, but the voices can also serve to distance the person from others; good for some, bad for some, a mix for many.
(2) One of the many negatives that comes from the narrow psychiatric model of disease is that meaning of symptoms and experiences have little place, so the potential benefits of exploring the content of the voices ( or dreams) gets lost, relegated to a small spot on the intake checklist. I cannot resist adding that exploring the content and meaning of voices and other symptoms is a great way to show sincere interest, learn more about the person with those symptoms, and I found it to be a real perk of the job.
(3) some of my patients were quite ambivalent about the idea of trying to diminish or silence voices, even if motivated to work on other ( if I may) psychotic symptoms like paranoia or anxiety. It was often helpful for me to say "if you could push a button to turn those voices off, would you press it?" That helped to make apparent the benefit of hearing them. For some isolated people, voices are friends, keep them company, and without them, the loneliness would be magnified.
Thanks so much, this was so interesting and relatable!
In the past, I've heard voices that had the exact same phenomenology as hearing other people speak. At one point, I was certain I must have left the radio or TV on, but eventually realized it was one of my demons talking, and no one else could hear it. At another point, I thought it was a demon going "hello! Hello! You forgot it! Hello!" and decided to ignore it ... only to later discover I had failed to hang up the phone (landline) and it was the person on the other end shouting for me to do so.
The old, evil voices would threaten me all the time. A therapist I'm online-acquainted with (so, he's never been MY therapist) suggested that perhaps I should do this internal family stuff, maybe the demons are flawed protectors, blabla. I was like FUCK NO! I'm not going to any kind of family therapy with THESE fuckers! If they want my love and understanding, they better improve their attitude FIRST.
When my mental health improved in general, two helpful voices appeared for the first time. Completely different from the old ones, because they only speak inside my head, totally different phenomenology compared to hearing the radio or other people. They're called Alberta and Glenn, and they're nice and helpful. Usually quite cryptic, but still helpful. (Awais: Alberta appears as "Saint Alberta" in my novel!)
Without their help, I would never have managed to pull through my near-psychotic episode in December 2024. Without them, I would have crashed and gone back to psych, no question about it.
Thank you so much for sharing — much of it rings very familiar. The only question a medical professional has ever asked me about content (and it has been asked many times) was “do the voices tell you to do things, like harm yourself or others?” What a bizarre and macabre question to start a conversation!
Anyway, thanks again. It is very comforting to read about others who are able to work these things out.
A challenging and interesting read, which evokes a few reactions in me.
(1) I'd love to know more about whether and how the writer found the voices helping in managing and making decisions about her life. This may sound worse than I intend it, but some things are intriguing and fascinating, but not necessarily illuminating or helpful. This is many of my patients' (and my) experience of dreams as well. Is life better with voices for some people? I think so, but the voices can also serve to distance the person from others; good for some, bad for some, a mix for many.
(2) One of the many negatives that comes from the narrow psychiatric model of disease is that meaning of symptoms and experiences have little place, so the potential benefits of exploring the content of the voices ( or dreams) gets lost, relegated to a small spot on the intake checklist. I cannot resist adding that exploring the content and meaning of voices and other symptoms is a great way to show sincere interest, learn more about the person with those symptoms, and I found it to be a real perk of the job.
(3) some of my patients were quite ambivalent about the idea of trying to diminish or silence voices, even if motivated to work on other ( if I may) psychotic symptoms like paranoia or anxiety. It was often helpful for me to say "if you could push a button to turn those voices off, would you press it?" That helped to make apparent the benefit of hearing them. For some isolated people, voices are friends, keep them company, and without them, the loneliness would be magnified.
Thanks so much, this was so interesting and relatable!
In the past, I've heard voices that had the exact same phenomenology as hearing other people speak. At one point, I was certain I must have left the radio or TV on, but eventually realized it was one of my demons talking, and no one else could hear it. At another point, I thought it was a demon going "hello! Hello! You forgot it! Hello!" and decided to ignore it ... only to later discover I had failed to hang up the phone (landline) and it was the person on the other end shouting for me to do so.
The old, evil voices would threaten me all the time. A therapist I'm online-acquainted with (so, he's never been MY therapist) suggested that perhaps I should do this internal family stuff, maybe the demons are flawed protectors, blabla. I was like FUCK NO! I'm not going to any kind of family therapy with THESE fuckers! If they want my love and understanding, they better improve their attitude FIRST.
When my mental health improved in general, two helpful voices appeared for the first time. Completely different from the old ones, because they only speak inside my head, totally different phenomenology compared to hearing the radio or other people. They're called Alberta and Glenn, and they're nice and helpful. Usually quite cryptic, but still helpful. (Awais: Alberta appears as "Saint Alberta" in my novel!)
Without their help, I would never have managed to pull through my near-psychotic episode in December 2024. Without them, I would have crashed and gone back to psych, no question about it.