Discussion about this post

User's avatar
The Connected Mind's avatar

This was such a thoughtful, nuanced, and deeply humanistic piece. Thank you both for the clarity and gentleness with which you approached it.

One thought it stirred for me is about the “sick role” and its unspoken contract. Sociologists outline the benefits of the sick role (support, care, legitimacy), but in practice there are also many obligations woven in. We expect the sick person to minimize their suffering, to comply with treatment (even if it's painful or results in a loss of dignity or autonomy), to “fight,” to contribute when able, to not overburden others, etc. In that light, I sometimes wonder if the relief of receiving a diagnosis isn’t just about gaining benefits, but about being granted permission to set down some of those obligations -- obligations which can, of course, be a heavy and sometimes unbearable burden.

Expanding our view of the sick role as including both benefits and obligations seems to explain why a diagnosis of cancer rarely feels like relief, while in other contexts a label can feel like an immense unburdening. It's the "relief" from those obligations that feels therapeutic. Diagnosis soothes -- even when it does not better explain, change, or treat the underlying condition, or erase any suffering -- because it loosens the burden of expectation.

Of course, humans are hypersensitive to situations where we worry others are accepting our gifts of time, care, and attention without fulfilling our expectations of what they will do in return. So we cannot help but attune to how well this balance between the benefits and obligations of the sick role is negotiated. Certainly, the old paradigm of "diagnosis as stigma or burden", where the sick person suffered all the obligations of the sick role but without the benefits like care, support, and empathy, was certainly a worse way of managing this trade-off. Stigma shows us the cruelty of obligations without benefits, while relief shows us the kindness of being allowed, if only for a moment, to set some obligations down.

And yet, setting down obligations is a tricky dance. Each burden we put down may become one that others must carry. Who decides whose load is heaviest? Perhaps part of our work is simply to recognize that this balance between benefits and obligations is always being negotiated, and to approach that negotiation with humility and care.

Expand full comment
SkinShallow's avatar

Absolutely fascinating and rings true for many people I've observed. And I think it's often NOT about prelude to treatment or accomodations. I've encountered many people who seemed to have gained a lot of relief and peace from the diagnostic label *even if the label was nothing but the concise explanation for their cluster of symptoms*. To use a simplistic example, it seems to go like this: "I'm not shit at maths, I have dyscalculia" --- even though "dyscalculia" is literally a word used to mean being bad at maths. I'm not oversensitive, I have RSD, even tho RSD is *literally* a name give to oversensitivity to rejection. Etc etc etc. I don't understand this at all, on a personal level, but I suspect it might be related to the fact that many people see *mental dysfunction without a medical used label* as a MORAL FAILURE. Which is very sad in itself.

Expand full comment
27 more comments...

No posts