Thanks for your comment! This is where I struggle with the meaning of status, that I don't think it is just about meeting societal norms, it is also about self-image that comes about regardless of input from others. Typically, compliments and victories in contests are a reflection of social status and improve self-image. Complaints and l…
Thanks for your comment! This is where I struggle with the meaning of status, that I don't think it is just about meeting societal norms, it is also about self-image that comes about regardless of input from others. Typically, compliments and victories in contests are a reflection of social status and improve self-image. Complaints and losses reflect lower status, degrade self-image, and can cause feelings of shame. But accomplishments and "doing something good" builds self-image regardless of someone knowing about it. In this same way David Carr, even if only in his own head, degraded his self-image by leaving his kids in the car on a freezing night. His perception of himself as "a good father" was degraded to "I am a reckless, lousy father", and feelings a shame were the result.
Maybe I am making a mistake in lumping societal status with self-image, but to me the two are helplessly entwined. Self-talk statements like "I am attractive" or "I am intelligent" imply self-image but are usually (though not always) the result of feedback from others and a reflection a person's social status. I believe all self-talk statements, and there may be thousands of them, are a reflection of both self-image and social status.
And I don't see poor self-image as shame in and of itself. I believe shame is necessarily the result of a specific event or stimulus, such as leaving your kids in a freezing car. Low status, on the other hand, can result in poor self-image without a specific stimulus. Suppose a child is not particularly good at physical education activities. No shame in that, just low status when it comes to PE classes, and possibly poor self-image overall. But suppose a child brags about himself as a great athlete, then loses badly in a contest of athletic skill. The shame from such a loss can be quite intense and painful.
With regard to guilt and shame, I wrote something awhile ago that may be of interest...
One popular song from several decades ago contains the line “only to hide my guilt and shame”. The song is about infidelity, where a committed couple is separated from each other for a period of time and each cheats on the other. In this case guilt AND shame are both involved. The guilt arises from the feeling that one person had harmed the other by being unfaithful. Shame comes from another source. Like most of us, these people probably like to think of themselves as trustworthy. Each has to accept the shame of not being worthy of the other's trust.
On a personal note, I will be away from my computer for about 2 weeks. Lack of any timely responses from me will be for that reason rather than any loss of interest in the topic.
Thanks for your comment! This is where I struggle with the meaning of status, that I don't think it is just about meeting societal norms, it is also about self-image that comes about regardless of input from others. Typically, compliments and victories in contests are a reflection of social status and improve self-image. Complaints and losses reflect lower status, degrade self-image, and can cause feelings of shame. But accomplishments and "doing something good" builds self-image regardless of someone knowing about it. In this same way David Carr, even if only in his own head, degraded his self-image by leaving his kids in the car on a freezing night. His perception of himself as "a good father" was degraded to "I am a reckless, lousy father", and feelings a shame were the result.
Maybe I am making a mistake in lumping societal status with self-image, but to me the two are helplessly entwined. Self-talk statements like "I am attractive" or "I am intelligent" imply self-image but are usually (though not always) the result of feedback from others and a reflection a person's social status. I believe all self-talk statements, and there may be thousands of them, are a reflection of both self-image and social status.
And I don't see poor self-image as shame in and of itself. I believe shame is necessarily the result of a specific event or stimulus, such as leaving your kids in a freezing car. Low status, on the other hand, can result in poor self-image without a specific stimulus. Suppose a child is not particularly good at physical education activities. No shame in that, just low status when it comes to PE classes, and possibly poor self-image overall. But suppose a child brags about himself as a great athlete, then loses badly in a contest of athletic skill. The shame from such a loss can be quite intense and painful.
With regard to guilt and shame, I wrote something awhile ago that may be of interest...
One popular song from several decades ago contains the line “only to hide my guilt and shame”. The song is about infidelity, where a committed couple is separated from each other for a period of time and each cheats on the other. In this case guilt AND shame are both involved. The guilt arises from the feeling that one person had harmed the other by being unfaithful. Shame comes from another source. Like most of us, these people probably like to think of themselves as trustworthy. Each has to accept the shame of not being worthy of the other's trust.
On a personal note, I will be away from my computer for about 2 weeks. Lack of any timely responses from me will be for that reason rather than any loss of interest in the topic.